What an Unique Story!
by mental hopsital escapee
Summary: One day, Zuko has an very original plan to capture the Avatar! Not even the Suethors could have thought up this one. And yes, I'm being sarcastic.
1. Chapter 1

An overly cliched plot, what fun. This is pretty much me mocking the all the horrors of bad, cliched, Avatar fics. I know, I have too much spare time and NEED to get to work on my multi-chaptered fics, but...

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One day Zuko and Iroh were walking through the forest, when Zuko had a brilliant, original, surefire way to capture the Avatar.

"Uncle!" he announced. "I have a plan. Listen." Quickly he laid out the main points of his idea.

Iroh listened attentively to every detail of Zuko's well-thought out plan. "What a unique idea! I must say, Zuko, this might actually work..."

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In another part of the conventiently placed forest, Aang was having an earthbending lesson with Toph.

"Sifu Toph! Slow down, I can't see what you're doing!" Aang pleaded with the blind girl.

"Come on, Twinkletoes! Pay attention!" Toph told him.

Katara and Sokka sat, with their backs against Appa, watching the lesson, with bored interest, when they weren't bickering, Sokka was eating some food, because the author was too uncreative to make them do anything else, and polishing his boomerang, and Katara kept on offering Aang hints.

Make sense of that last sentence. I dare you.

"Aang, move your left foot back a bit," called Katara, because she is naturually an expert at earthbending. Aang followed her tip. "Now try it."

With a swift, fluid movement, Aang managed to lift a boulder into the air and thrust it forward before it fell onto the ground, because everyone knows there are no other ways to earthbend. Toph felt the vibrations from the crashing heap of earth and nodded. "Not bad, Twinkletoes," she said. And no, she will never call him anything but Twinkletoes.

Aang grinned happily at her. Then Toph felt another vibration in the ground, a new one. "Someones coming!" she called.

Everyone stood up and looked around for their mysterious visitor. "I'll go look," said Katara. She went into the woods where she saw ... guess who ... Zuko!

"Zuko!" she said terrified, just standing there stupidly like Katara would, of course, do.

Zuko captured her effortlessly and held a knife he pulled out of nowhere, even though he had given his to Lee, to her throat. "Where is the Avatar?" he demanded as he held the knife against her neck.

"I will never tell you!" declared Katara bravely, feeling the cold metal blade against her neck.

The blade was against her neck! Who knew?

"Then I will have to capture you," said Zuko calmly with a sly smile. His plan was working out perfectly.

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"Hmm I wonder where Katara is," Aang asked no one in particular.

"I don't know," said Sokka like the caring, protective brother he was. He ate some more food and held up his boomerang, seeing how the sun glinted off the smooth surface. Momo, sitting on his lap, took some of Sokka's food. "Give that back!" Sokka made a grab for the fruit, but Momo ate it all up, just like he has done in a thousand other fics. Haha, how funny and original.

Toph sat in her earth-tent. "Maybe she got lost," she offered as a reply to Aangs question. Katara was so stupid, everyone thought she was lost. God knows the girl can't find her way anywhere. "Should we look for her?"

"Sure why not," said Aang casually. Because, naturally, no one was much concerned. Not until a few more chapters, so there can be some lame little battle scene and a bit of wannabe angst.

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"Damn it, let me go!" cried Katara, because of course she would cuss. All she needed now was to say 'your mom', and she would be completetly in character. She was tied to a tree in Zukos camp.

"Not until you tell me where the Avatar is," said Zuko, who was obviously too lazy to go look for the Avatar who must be nearby, considering Katara was there.

"With your mom," Katara said angrily. Yay! Now she really is in character! And of course she knows this century's lingo, who doesn't.

"Dont you dare even speak about my mom!" shouted Zuko, twin flames appearing around his clenched fists, just like how it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME he gets mad.

"Now, now, lets all relax and have some tea!" said Iroh brightly like the tea-obsessed, one-dimensional moron so many idiots protray him as. He poured himself a cup of tea, admiring how the steam rose from it and how good it smelled and the color and the taste and everything about it, since that was all he ever cared about. "Wouldn't you like some tea, children?"

Katara sighed. "I guess so," she said, since this was the 145th time he had offered and she was tired of saying no.

"For the last time, I don't want your goddamn tea!" shouted Zuko, because he would cuss, too.

Katara drank her tea, somehow, even though her hands were bound, and stared at Zuko, thinking that even though she hated him, he was hot.

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The Aang Gang (minus Katara) was walking through the forest. The Aang Gang, how retarded.

Sokka tripped into a mud puddle. "Ow," he said and stood up. "I'm okay!" he told them all.

Everyone laughed, because Sokka is nothing more than food-loving comic relief. He has no personality, no thoughts or feelings whatsoever, all he has to do is just be stupid and eat and polish his boomerang and bicker and complain. Thats all. Nothing more, anything else and he would be too much of an actual person.

Aang just walked around with a big stupid grin on his face. "Hey look, conventiently placed panda lilies!" he said and picked some. "They smell so good!" Aw, Aang is so happy and cheerful all the time, he never feels anything else unless its random mood-swing time. He played with Momo and walked along.

Toph just walked with them, she didn't have much of a character at all. Occasionally she did, but even then her personality was very onesided. No one cared about her character enough to give her a mind. "Twinkletoes, come on, we are looking for Katara," she said to Aang.

They just walked randomly through the forest, since they couldn't play an actual part in this story until Zuko and Katara were madly in love.

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Betcha can't guess what Zuko's plan is. sarcasm

Next chapter: Zuko and Katara fall for each other in the stupidest way imaginable, OOC Zuko reveals he would rather gather daisies in a field than firebend, plus a pathetic action scene! You know...

Katara used the waterwhip.  
Zuko shot a fireblast at her. Aang shot a burst of air. Toph stomped and threw a boulder.  
Sokka threw his boomerang.

Katara used the waterwhip.  
Zuko shot a fireblast at her. Aang shot a burst of air. Toph stomped and threw a boulder.  
Sokka threw his boomerang.

over.

and over.

and over again. Because God knows there are no other ways to fight.

Review or pm me if you have an idea of something else I can mock. 


	2. Chapter 2

Thanls to hummingbirdfeeder, SerpentArmour, frozenheat and FireSaber (those last 2 offered me suggestions),who took the time to read and review my rant of a story. And special thanks to Jesus.Lives, who gave me the idea of the watertribe appeal. They wrote a fic about it, go read it.

This stupid website screws up ALL my formatting. My page breaks look retarded. I am furious. Anyways, here is chapter 2. And hopefully my new page breaks will work out.

Katara had forgotten all about the Aang Gang. Because, of course, Katara really doesn't give a damn about any of them. It's all just an act. Why? Who knows.

Meanwhile, Zuko was wondering why he couldn't take his eyes off Katara. It must be the universal watertribe sex appeal, he concluded. That was how Sokka and Katara got all the girls and guys they met. He wasn't sure what it was, perhaps the fluid, sensual way she said "water tribe," falling off her lips, smooth as...

Zuko wasn't that poetic.

"Uncle, lets go back with the prisoner to the ship," he ordered.

"The PRISONER?" Katara screamed like a mad beast, infuriated.

"Zuko, the ship was destroyed." said Iroh slowly, as if he was talking to a mentally retarded 5 year old.

"Yes, but the stupid author has forgotten that fact and magically created another one." Zuko informed him.

"Ah, the power of fans who pay no attention to the show," mused Iroh as they got their things together to leave. So, now the bad authors had created a new ship and crew! What next? Sparklyinthemoonlight Princesses to rape Zuko? Beastbenders?

Wait, the Princesses were already there. Poor Zuko was scarred for life because of them. So were Beastbenders. And lovebenders, metalbenders, treebenders, mindbenders, stormbenders, lightbenders, shadowbenders...Iroh could go on with the mental list. But it sickened him to do so.

WHAT? IROH IS THINKING! OH NO! THIS CANNOT GO ON!

All around the world, fans fainted from shock.

Iroh abruptly stopped thinking, and turned all his thoughts to tea. Yummy yummy tea.

"No!" said Katara. "I do not want to go back to your ship!"

"I thought you would be dying to!" said Zuko, suprised. "We'll end up sharing a room!"

The Gaang (oh look, another gay name for them!) was walking around. But Sokka was eating meat. Beef jerkey, to be exact.

Apparently, no one cared about Katara.

Oh, wait, they did. There was tons of angst.

"Oh no. Katara is gone." said Sokka.

"Yes," Aang agreed.

"She's gone alright," added Sokka.

Aang noddes, and, for a pitiful attempt at comic relief, Appa sneezed on Sokka.

Katara was trying to fight off Zuko, who was trying to drag her to the magically restored ship.

Katara used the water whip.

Zuko shot a fireblast at her.

Katara used the water whip.

Zuko shot a fireblast at her.

Katara used the water whip.

Zuko shot a fireblast at her.

And they were getting nowhere. Finally Iroh intervened by throwing boiling tea he got from the ever-present plot holes at them. They screamed, but at least it got them to stop fighting and come along, because they really needed to get back to the ship and Zuko and Katara really needed to share a room to get the romance rolling.

They reached the ship quite quickly, somehow. Naturually, they knew percisely where it was, and it was within a few minutes walking distance, although they were in the middle of the woods.

"All right, Zuko, you have to share a room with Katara," Iroh told the two teens. Wow. I didn't see that coming.

"NO!" screamed Katara.

"Why?" asked Zuko.

Iroh thought for a long, long time. "I have no idea," he admitted.

"Put her in another room!" protested Zuko.

"Can't." Iroh shook his head, then began sipping ginseng tea. Stupid Zuko. There were no other rooms on the ship! Not even a storage hold. Or a brig, where they would normally put prisoners. And naturally, of all the places to put a prisoner, they would put her in Zuko's room.

"Where did you get that tea?" his nephew demanded.

The old man rolled his eyes. "A plot hole, no duh," said the totally in character Iroh. Seriously, isn't 'no duh' exactly something he would say?

"NOOOO!" screamed Katara.

Iroh soothed her. "Don't worry, Katara, I am here to provide comic relief and gallons of tea. Everything will be okay." He snapped his fingers at Zuko. "Go now, I'm not supposed to see you until the end...so I can serve tea!"

Zuko glowered angrily, but led the furious Katara to his room. There they sat on the bed (yep, they had to share a bed too) and glared at each other.

"I hate you, and I do not want to share a room with you!" Katara stated the obvious. Oh, don't worry Katara. Soon enough you'll be happy you're sharing a room with Zuko. Very soon, in fact.

"Me too, despite your universal watertribe appeal," replied Zuko.

They passed a very uncomfortable night, both lying as far away from each other as they could.

In the middle of the night, however, Katara woke up. Despite the heavy blankets, she was cold. And she could feel heat radiating off Zuko's body. The boy is a walking heating pad.

So what did she do? She wouldn't snuggle up next to the person she hated most in the world, would she?

Yet, pod!Katara did. Of course she would.

Zuko woke up an hour later, for no reason at all, to feel Katara against his back. And, of course, pod!Zuko put his arm around her. Wow! Was that an orginal idea to get them close or what?

This is very depressing, er, I mean wonderful, how OOC, I mean in-character they are.

Katara woke up to find that Zuko was no longer there. She wondered where he had gone to. Instead of taking the opprotunity to escape, like any sane person, she proceeded to wander around the ship. The guards saw her, but, like they always do, moved past her like zombies instead of stopping her. Of course, the one sent to find her (Zuko ALWAYS sends a guard to find Katara) had absolutely no trouble finding her.

"Zuko wants you," he told her.

"I know, he just doesn't want to admit it," Katara responded.

The guard sighed. Everyone knew that. These situations always turned out exactly the same. "Thats not what I meant."

"I see." Katara blushed. "But it is true, you know."

The guard glared at her. "Yes. Now just go see what that freak wants."

Katara, who obviously has a GPS system embedded into her head, had no trouble finding her way to where Zuko was.

"Where is the Avatar?" Zuko harshly gave his most overused line. He just couldn't think of another way to put it.

"No," said Katara, saying her most overused response to Zuko's overused question, even though it made no sense. Then again, Katara never makes sense. At least not in cliched stories.

"No what?" Zuko was confused.

"NO I WILL NOT TELL YOU!" screamed Katara, once again going into rabid beast mode.

Zuko looked scared. Katara must be bipolar, he decided. Last night she had been snuggling next to him, today she was frothing at the mouth with fury.

Out of nowhere, they started fighting.

Katara angrily used the waterwhip at Zuko. He shot a fireblast at her, and the fight continued in this way for a long time, considering there are no other ways to bend. All the things one sees in the show are fake.

Finally, in a complicated, stupid way that could never happen in real life and defied all laws of physics, they fell on top of each other so that Zuko's mouth was inches away from Katara's. As one may guess, they suddenly, for no reason, began to make out.

At the same time, they both demonstrated just how quick their mood swings were. And the authors superior talent in creating OOC characters. That is, unique situations.

Eh, not as good as the first chapter in my opinion. But what did you think? Any suggestions? Review! 


	3. Chapter 3

Special thanks to frozenheat for giving me ideas.

Please excuse my awful tween-speak.

With the Aang & Co. (sounds like a distributing company, doesn't it?), it was...

Random Mood-Swing Time!

Aang burst into tears. "I miss Katara," he said sadly.

Sokka sniffed. "Me too, I am so worried." Liar. He sure wasn't acting like he was worried; none of them were.

Suddenly dry eyed, Sokka ate some steak. Aang started chasing butterflies. Momo sat on Sokka's shoulder and took little bites of steak from time to time. Appa had disappeared like he often does. Toph was just ... there.

Aang chased after the butterflies happily. Suddenly, he began to cry again. "Katara, I hope...Hey, look! Another butterfly!"

After they kissed, Katara and Zuko stared at each other. They said many stupid and cheesy things, taken from some chick-flick romance that no one wants to know about. Zuko's character transformed with the revelation that he would rather play with puppies in daisy fields than firebend. In short, they confessed their love for each other they had kept secret for so long.

Yeah. They've always loved each other. Big suprise, isn't it?

"Oh no," said Katara. She had finally remembered Sokka, Aang, and Toph. Yes, it took her this long. "Sokka, Aang, and Toph will be looking for me,"

"Don't worry about them!" Zuko told her. "We can run away and get married and have Fire/waterbending kids, even though its impossible!" He smiled at her, something Zuko does every single day.

Katara hesitated. The idea appealed to her so much, she decided she could elope. But the trademark grand battle scene had to come first. "Zuko, I want to, but we must wait for the Gaang to find us for the amazing fight scene," she explained.

Zuko sighed. He could wait, he guessed.

Sokka had also apparently accquired a mental GPS. Perhaps its another one of those universal traits of members of the Water Tribe. Anyways, the Gaang found Zuko's ship with no trouble at all, in fact, with out even trying.

"OMG!" squeaked Sokka, sounding like a tween.

"Y r u talkn n acrnyms?" asked Aang. Everyone was lasping into tween-speak now.

"Lyk3 itz Zuks ship!" Sokka shouted and pointed. "Lyke OMFG it wuz lyk3 magcally r3st0rd!"

"OMG lyke do u tink Katara is ther?" asked Aang, going into that cute little scared hamster mode at the thought of Zuko.

Sokka rolled his eyes. "Geez Aang u r such a retrd! Lyke were else wuld Katara b?"

"O riiiiiite," Aang said slowly.

"OMG!" Katara shouted, using acronyms, a common habit of hers. "LOL! BTW! TTYL! FYI! SPCA!" She looked out at the beach. "Its them!"

"Why are you scared?" asked Zuko.

"Because they will come here and see me and fight with you over me and there will be a giant, angst-fest of a battle!" Katara answered in one breath.

Zukp pulled out his broadswords and smiled yet again. "Do not worry Katara I will protect you," he said, forgetting the basic rules of grammar and that really there was nothing to protect her from. The Gaang would try to kill him, not Katara. Also, wasn't it his original plan, to lure Aang to him using Katara as bait? He began to kiss Katara again, for no real reason.

Somehow, in a way that probably defied all laws of gravity, Sokka, Aang, and Toph were on the deck. They saw them kissing, of course.

"OMG!" shrieked Toph in a very OOC way, despite that she could not see them.

"Why, Katara?" Aang sighed sadly and dramatically fell to the floor in a brief moment of angst. "I...I...I loved you!"

"Pervert!" screamed Sokka.

And so...the battle commenced!

Sokka threw his boomerang at Zuko.

Zuko shot a fireblast at him.

Even though they were on a ship, Toph stomped and threw a rock.

Katara used the waterwhip, at whom it was never decided.

Aang shot a burst of air.

Sokka threw his boomerang.

Zuko shot a fireblast.

Toph stomped and threw a rock.

Katara used the waterhwip.

Aang shot a burst of air.

Over.

And over.

And over again. Because God knows there are no other ways to fight.

"STOP FIGHTING!" shouted Iroh, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. Everyone stopped and looked at him. "Time for comic relief...and tea!" Iroh said with a cheesy smile and drank some tea. Forgetting that everyone hated each other, they all sat down and drank tea.

"Now, Katara, will you come back with us?" asked Aang before sipping a steaming cup of tea.

"No," she answered. "Because, even though I have only been with him a day and have hated him until now, I am madly in love with Zuko and shall spend the rest of my life with him."

"Oh, I see," Aang said cheerfully, not really caring at all. "Bye, Katara."

Sokka said nothing, because he did not care either. Along with Toph and Aang, he stood up and got on Appa, who had suddenly reappeared from the plot hole he had vanished into. They flew off into the sunset, which was odd considering it was supposed to be morning. Then again, everything in the entire occurence had been odd.

Katara and Zuko looked each other in the eye. "I love you, Katara," said Zuko.

"I love you too," Katara answered, then, for no reason, they began to make out.

The end.

Yep, thats the end. I'm thinking of writing another parody, they're fun and give my lazy self an excuse for not working on my other fics. I know I should be working on them and never have even posted this stupid parody, but... 


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